Double the Love: Happy Birthday My Loves!

What a year!

So, you are a year old today! As usual, I tired to be a great mom, and I attempted to write a heartfelt, yet humorous poem about the last year. Well, obviously that didn't work out so well. So, you are getting the next best thing, a letter that will hopefully be both heartfelt and humorous!

I always knew I wanted children, but I had no idea it would be like this. No amount of reading books and magazines, watching television programs, babysitting or teaching Pre-K for four years can prepare a person for the reality of being a parent!

No one could have put into words the amount of love I felt for you before you were even born. I don't believe there even is a word to express the love I felt from the moment I first held each of you! The emotions have come like a roller coaster ever since. I was frustrated when you would fall asleep while breastfeeding. I was elated to bring you home and show you the nursery we had put together for you. I have been exhausted from lack of sleep. I have been moved to tears at the sight of a gummy smile or high pitched cackle. I have experienced heartache when forced to leave you in the care of someone else for the day. I now know a pride that I never before knew was within me. I love now like I have never loved before!

I don't think you can truly understand exhaustion until you have been home from the hospital with twins for a week! No matter how prepared you think you are, reality is not the same! As if eating every 3 hours around the clock were not draining enough, I decided to make it worse! We were so scared you would not be eating enough while breastfeeding that most feedings I pumped and bottle fed you what I pumped! This means washing and putting together pump parts every three hours and washing and preparing bottles every three hours. Not to mention the acts of pumping (30minutes) and bottle feeding you (another 30 minutes). By the time I finished this whole routine I only had about 30 minutes before we had to start all over again! I nearly fell over with excitement when at one week of age the pediatrician said it would be okay to go 4 hours between feedings at night! Yay, an extra hour of sleep! Taking care of one baby, much less two is a full time job. This meant I had very little time to cook, clean or have a social life. It took awhile, but I feel like I am doing a little better job balancing it all now.

Unfortunately, breastfeeding was not the way it was made out in the two evening course we attended! Yes, breastfeeding is natural, but it is hard work! Nothing can replace "hands on" experience. Until motherhood I never truly understood the value of my boobs or the amazing things a woman's body can do! I was so determined to do what was best for you in every way, therefore, breastfeeding was a given. We had a rough time getting started, but now it comes so easily for all of us. I enjoy the cuddling time as much as you do! This will be our time for as long as you need it!

I didn't realize how many decisions there would be to make and how much I would mull over, research and question each one of them! It is so important to get everything right the first time because, unfortunately, life is not like the TiVo and there is no rewind button or do over's. I really want to be the best mom you could ask for! I don't claim to have done everything perfect, and if I had to do it over again I would probably do some things differently...Live and learn!

On this first birthday I wish for each of you a lifetime of birthdays as happy as this one. You have brought so much love and joy into our lives in this short year. Your sweet smiles and silly giggles make each day more happy than the next. For now, we can only imagine the bright things your futures hold!

Happy Birthday My Loves,

Mommy

Ashton Ray 4/22/08